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sugasuite:

Behind every idol rapper who succeeds
There’s a weak self standing, it’s a little dangerous
I fall sometimes again into depression and compulsion
Hell no, anyway I don’t even know if that’s the real me

Damn huh reality’s separation
The conflict I’ve mentioned, it hurts your head
It was around 18 when my social phobia began
Yeah, that’s right, around that time my mental state became polluted

Sometimes I’m afraid of myself, thanks to my self-hatred
And the depression that came to play again
Min Yoongi is already dead (I killed him)
It’s been a long time since my everyday life became killing my passions and Comparing myself with others

My parents came up the first time I went to the psychiatrist
They got counseling with me, they said they hardly knew me
I don’t even know my own self, so who can know me?
Friends? no, you? whoever it is, they don’t know me

The doctor asked me
I said unhesitatingly that I’d been like that before

A word said like habit, oh, I don’t give a shit, I don’t give a fuck
Those words are all words I use to hide my weak self
That time I want to erase, that’s right, the memories I want to erase of that day I had that concert
I was afraid of people, so I hid in the bathroom and stared at myself

At that time I, at that time I
I thought I could compensate for success
But here’s the thing, but here’s the thing
As time passes by, it feels like I’m becoming a monster

My monster named success that I traded my youth for, he wants a bigger wealth
The greed that was my weapon, it devours me and sometimes it collars me
These things turn on my mouth, if I block it, he tells me to eat from the tree of knowledge
I don’t want it, they want me to leave this hill

Shit shit, I get it, please stop
The cause of all these issues is me, I’ll quit in return
If my misfortune is your happiness then I’ll be unhappy
If the target of your loathing is me then I’ll go up on the guillotine

The things I only imagined are becoming reality, my childhood dream is in front of my eyes
The taste of performing in front of only two people, now Tokyo Dome is in front of my nose
Living this one time life more brightly than anyone, try saying I’m living roughly
My fans, my homies, my fam, don’t worry, I’m really okay now, damn

The things that corrupted my essence are numerous
My address is idol, I won’t be corrupted
The agony that dug at my mental state
It’s the end of wandering, there was no right answer

My self-esteem that said I’d betrayed myself is now my own pride
My fans honorably bow their heads, someone try as much as me, uh

From Seiko to Rolex, from AX Hall to the Gymnastics Stadium
The heads of many people that nod just at the movement of my hand
It’s not that I couldn’t do Show Me the Money, it’s that I said I wouldn’t, shit
It’s not that you guys who betrayed us didn’t do it, it’s that you couldn’t, shit
This world sprinkled with my creations, I’ve tasted sweetness and bitterness and even shit
From that time when I tried to sleep on the floor of a bathroom, now it’s a memory to me, it’s become a memory
The shoulder that was crushed because of an accident during my delivery job
The debut that I clutched onto, you guys just pretend like you’ve suffered

From Seiko to Rolex, from AX Hall to the Gymnastics Stadium
The heads of many people that nod just at the movement of my hand
It’s not that I couldn’t do Show Me the Money, it’s that I said I wouldn’t, shit
It’s not that you guys who betrayed us didn’t do it, it’s that you couldn’t, shit
______________________________________________________________

Trans: PAPERCROWNS

Orig twt: Papercrowns

credit trans please

bactaeriax:

bang-pd:

realizing yoongi’s mixtape was released

listening to the tracks

reading the lyrics

monie-monie:

lets just appreciate how yoongi just opened up about his mental health because thats such a fucking hard thing to do we barely know about his hardships before he became a trainee and even his issues at the moment and its such a brave and honorable thing to do for him to turn that pain into fucking genius

you know those people who comment on how hes always on his phone? fuck em. you know those people who complain he isnt as friendly as the other members? fuck em. the idol life drains a person of a lot of things and i am proud of yoongi for finally saying that.

bang-tan:

there are so many important messages that suga is trying to convey to his listeners through his mixtape and im sure that if you’ve read the lyric translations, you definitely know what i mean. i am seriously blown away that we’ve been fans of bts for what, 3 years now? for 3 years, ARMYs have easily labelled yoongi as ‘lazy’, given him that ‘idagf’ image, and yet, we were oblivious to so many of his hardships. we’ve always known that he’s hardworking, more quiet than the other members, and more reflective, but this mixtape honestly blew me away because yoongi’s gone through so much in his idol career and we had no idea. 

first off, he touches on a sensitive topic that idols don’t speak openly about: mental health. he raps about seeing a psychiatrist, battling with depression, self-hate, experiencing social phobia since age 18, putting on a front, and loneliness. His entire song “The Last” really touches on this:

a word said like habit, oh, I don’t give a shit, I don’t give a fuck
those words are all words I use to hide my weak self
that time I want to erase, that’s right, the memories I want to erase of that day I had that concert
I was afraid of people, so I hid in the bathroom and stared at myself

and in “So Far Away”:

I’m in so much pain and lonliness but people around me keeping telling me to regain my consciousness
I try to vent my anger but I only got myself so what’s the point of venting my anger
I’m scared to open my eyes everyday and start breathing

these lyrics from ‘At Dawn’ also illustrate this:

I pretend I’m not lonely, I pretend I’m not suffering
I pretend I’m okay for no reason, meaninglessly I pretend to be strong
don’t come over the wall I’ve put up in front of myself
don’t throw me off this island in this wide sea 

he also talks about his struggles during his trainee days and i dont think he’s ever talked in depth about this period of his life. this mixtape gives us some insight about him moving to seoul, getting a part time job to afford the cost of living in the city, going to school dead tired after work, and still training with big hit to live out his dreams

was I needy for success? No just needy for money
it’d been a long time since I forgot the words ‘in style’
I practiced at night and went to my part time job at dawn
then even if I dragged that tired body to school I just slept
I became 20 that way, the sight of the graduation room was suspicious

and the fact that he admits he puts up a front:

I hide the self that’s behind my defensive posture
I hide myself completely like I’ve become a criminal, always
I can’t even take one step outside the dorm that’s like a prison 

all of these are reasons im so moved. because it really highlights how idols only show one side of themselves to the camera, and fans can never really know them fully. we only know the version of bts’ min yoongi that he wants to show us through shows and broadcasts. 

behind every idol rapper who succeeds
there’s a weak self standing, it’s a little dangerous
I fall sometimes again into depression and compulsion
hell no, anyway I don’t even know if that’s the real me

but through his music? through his mixtape, he’s trying to show us another side of him, and i’m so thankful that he’s opened up to his worldwide audience. this takes courage. talking openly about your hardships and your weaknesses to people who look up to you, that takes some damn courage. so thank you, yoongi, for opening up to your fans. 

(via biancha-j)

lierdumoa:

“You need to learn how to take a compliment,” says a grown man who still hasn’t learned how to take rejection.

(via biancha-j)